so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
