FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
