my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
