Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
