i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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