just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
