Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
