I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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