So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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