He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
