Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
