He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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