I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
