I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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