I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
