Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently you make a good broom.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
