I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
