i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
