Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
