for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
