Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
