it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
