Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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