A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
