my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
