he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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