So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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