remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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