i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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