five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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