I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
