Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
