Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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