Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
