she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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