i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
