the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The best revenge is premature balding
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
