honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My bed smells like the plague
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
