Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
