I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
