She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
