apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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