He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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