i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
