Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
