ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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