Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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