I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
