I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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