so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
