Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
